UMMMMM...Trying to relax

Well has been a while since my last post. I asked one of my friends to read my last entry and check back with me and well she was scared that I was really depressed and possibly suicidal. Well I did confirm with her that I am not suicidal and that I was just really really upset. Also set her mind to rest that to commit suicide I would actually have to hurt myself in some way. Not being big on actual pain I assured her that that was not going to happen. Things are going slow and not to my time frame but that is to be expected I guess. Right now he is content to have me here and just hang out with him. Fine. It is a start. Found out this week he has a hernia and will have surgery soon. He meets with the surgeon on Monday. Hope that goes well. I do not want to leave. I have told him this several times and he just looks at me oddly. I can see him thinking, choosing his words trying out how to tell me to leave but not really doing that. I just don't know what I can tell him and what I can't. Not that he would use that information against me but I just don't trust him right now. I don't want the kids to suffer because he is an idiot right now. I don't have to go out and start over. I don't know what I would take with me and what I wouldn't. So frustrating. Anyway sock pics are slow in coming because he lost our digital camera, luckily we needed an upgrade in that department. So have to borrow one and get the pics up fast. All for now.....